I always used to consider myself a really good listener. I was always there with a listening ear for people. Friends and colleagues would constantly turn to me for help with a problem and I would roll my sleeves up and really get stuck in with solving the current drama in their life for them!
I would listen as they told me how an issue was bugging/ upsetting/ hindering them from making a decision. I was oh so comfortable thinking through the alternative options for them as their tale unravelled! I would empathise, nod, sigh, agree and prompt with great skill and dexterity as my mind came up with ways to help them.
And then a number of years ago I realised I wasn’t helping them – and I certainly wasn’t helping myself.
I started to notice that they would listen to my advice, agree enthusiastically and then often either do nothing or do completely the opposite! And then I thought about the number of times people had given me advice and how often I had really committed to implementing this advice – well lets just say that the non commitment side of the scale won!
I also started to notice how my fantastic listening skills weren’t all they were cracked up to be! How could I really be listening to them when that great problem solving voice in my head was so loud?
Did you know that the most powerful advice that anyone can take is the advice they give themselves?
The most powerful help that you can give a person is to truly listen and guide them cleanly to allow them to solve the problem for themselves.
So what do I mean by cleanly? Well basically without putting any of your own prejudices, thoughts, interpretations on their map of the world.
And what is truly listening?- well its about being totally focussed on the other person and switching off your own self talk. The commitment to a philosophy of ‘this is their stuff and my stuff is not part of this’ .
Only when you can do this can you really help the other person. Only at this point can you start to bring in questioning techniques that allow them to start to finding the solution themselves – a solution that is far more likely to be accepted and followed by them!
Questioning techniques that break the big problem down into specifics and make the solution more obtainable others that take them out of the specifics to allow them to take a wider perspective. Being also able to incorporate Clean language questions will allow the individuals unconscious mind to work through the problem and come up with a solution by using metaphors and representations that work at the deep structure level.
Now that’s helping!
For information of our unique 2 day communication master class with X-ray Listening and Clean Language author and specialist Judy Rees on 30/31st January in London visit http://www.beyondtrainingsolutions.com/course-registration/advanced-communication-workshop-with-judy-rees/